For most of my life, I used people-pleasing in the same way other people use drugs, alcohol, food, or shopping — as a way to avoid the discomfort of others’ disapproval. When it came to being disliked, invalidated, or perceived as being in the wrong, I was a really big baby… Sitting around praying for people to understand how much pressure they put on you — or hoping they’ll one day lessen their demands, drama, and constant urgencies — is futile. Without changing your own behaviors, this kind of wishing and hoping isn’t just foolish, it’s straight up counterproductive. A few years ago, I realized that the only authentic way out of my people-pleasing dilemma was to start becoming aware of my own internal world, recognizing that the only person I could change was myself.
'How I Learned to Stop Being a People Pleaser' [Psychology Today, 16 March 2018]
Use the link below to read the full article by North American psychotherapist ILENE S COHEN:
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