LAURA KASISCHKE
c 2017
WHAT I LEARNED IN NINTH GRADE
Always, it's early winter, and you can
always
see through the venetian blinds
that you are floating, and lost
in a classroom made of mist. And
that
the false flattery of certain groups of
girls
is a feast of pure sugar that you must
eat
with your eyes closed while you
swallow down its spoonfuls
along with your flatterers' smiles.
And you'll do it. Tropism =
a natural inclination. The roots
grow down. The bird flies up. In some
future my husband will run toward
the accident
to see whether we can help, while I'll
stand
frozen on the sidewalk
covering my eyes with my hands.
But that was just Biology.
And Mrs Anders liked me. Elsewhere
there's a number
that is not the phone number of a
friend, but
which I'm told I have to memorize,
for
without this number, the whole
civilization will have to end, and I
might
never go on to tenth grade,
remaining
forever in ninth.
God, how hard Mr Nestor was trying
in his raging kindness and shiny ties
to teach us what it meant
to designate the ratio of the
circumference of
a circle to its diameter, and to call it
pi.
But this was Dummy Math. Some of
us
were sleeping. Some of us were high.
Some of us were so desperate and
confused
that we were weeping. Surely
he wasn't serious. We
would never flunk or die. Surely
one day a cure could be found for the
kind
of cancer my mother had, and
then there would no longer be
this need for math. Surely
some researcher at some place
like Harvard — a place
I've been assured
I'll never see — will
discover this eventually. And even
if a cure for math cannot be found,
can
math not simply be destroyed? This
is the greatest country in the world.
Why
must its children suffer under pi?
Cannot
a scapegoat be slaughtered on an
altar
as in the Bible? Or an entire
civilization, as in the past? May we
not bomb it, invade it, steal its oil —
or set its oil wells on fire at least? To
my fellow soldiers (dummies, all of
us
— ruthless, and proud of it) I
said, 'We will spare their children
if we can, of course, but
only if they renounce their god of
pi...'
Yes, in another year I would learn of
love
from reading about Daisy and Jay.
But
in ninth grade I learned about hatred:
How
to raise an army in my imagination.
How to dress it in bright uniforms
with hierarchical stripes. How
to spray the peaceful valleys of my
enemies with pesticides
until it rained poisonous butterflies
onto
their flesh from the skies. And then,
sweet
Jesus, after it had already been
memorized, to be told
that 3.14159
is not quite pi.
Because pi is irrational,
and transcendent, so
pi might just go on and on.
Or not go on.
Like ninth grade, or civilization,
which
also began
and ended in Babylon.
New and Selected Poems
2017
Use the link below to read more poems by North American poet and novelist LAURA KASISCHKE:
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poets/laura-kasischke#tab-poems
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